April 2018: A Little Bit Of Rain Never Hurt Anybody..
April 2018
monthly
messages
from the soul
Shedding. Illuminating. Holding the torch up in the dark, to see the way. Becoming friends with our discomfort. Finding strength in our uncertainty.
April is an interesting month. We have known its metaphor since we were young: April showers bring May flowers.
I have always loved this phrase due to the unwavering optimism that floats in its words. Sure, it is raining. It might even rain everyday. But there’s less sting to this since we know that there is purpose for it. It is catering to and nurturing something. And that something isn’t just anything- it is the pure beauty of the season that words can never touch. Seeing blue skies with cotton candy clouds, fresh green blades of grass, the sound of more life in the trees, and smelling the dew and nectar that our noses have forgot. All of this beauty is a surge of life that we find in the springtime- and none of it can exist without the rainstorms.
Learning From Kauai: The Garden Isle
I personally have experienced much rain already during my stay in Hawaii. I didn’t mind all the rainfall, knowing that it is the same reason why the island's a tropical garden paradise. In fact, parts of me welcomed it. I wanted to go to the islands to be surrounded by water- the most cleansing and emotionally charged element. It is a place where you connect to an inner state that is more fluid, serene, joyful, and pure.
Often times, we look at healing, balancing, and soul-searching in a beautiful light. It certainly is, but it is also growing pains and facing the dark. While we're going through the tunnel of change, there's a period of uncertainty where you’d rather turn back- you thought the little light at the end would be much closer, it’s been a long time now, you are losing faith, you’re nervous. Hold on. You're closer than you think.
As my journey in Hawaii shifted into one of solo traveling, I began to feel different emotions. Nerves, uncertainty, and fear started coursing through me. This was expected, and unexpected. I had been on such an island high that I thought maybe I could just cruise into this next phase relatively easily. I knew being on my own would blast my spirit open and give me the experience I desired. So when I felt a tightness in my chest, I knew it would be met with incredible expansion.. But it was still difficult to feel. It is funny how your mind tells you how unsafe you are, while the heart wildly cheers you on. We are conditioned to follow the mind, but when we decide to lead with the heart, magic weaves its way into our lives.
So, I got into my rental car, with my mind chattering a million unhelpful insights along the lines of: “Make sure you get to your place before sundown! It’s definitely in the sticks, hopefully you can find it. Check your phone battery always, would hate for it to die! What are you gonna eat? Shouldn’t you go to the store? Remember to stay safe. This is a new place here. You don’t know the people.”
I tried calming this voice as I left the airport, turning on the radio instead. A reggae tune began playing, with the volume raising. Before I knew it, I was driving through sunlit mountains and valleys, listening to the words of a song called "Feel Like A Kid Again." In that moment, with the windows down, passing green pasture and cattle, feeling the sun kiss my skin, and the ocean in my eyes.. I felt pure freedom, on the other side of fear. Despite all my worries just minutes prior, I was the safest I had felt in so long. I was safe in the arms of my true self, grateful for my willingness to travel and expand.
Not only were these worries false, but they were proved wrong almost instantly. My days in Kauai were filled with ease and generosity from both the spirit of the land and the people. This opened my awareness to see how I had been operating in daily life. I saw my cautiousness, my need for control, my attachment to comfort, routine, and also my self-doubt. I was able to break that by shaking things up, and remembering how much I could trust the world to hold me. This is true safety, but the irony is that you have to be willing to feel completely endangered. When experiencing something new, your mind naturally considers this unknown a dangerous thing. It is beautiful that our mind is so protective- this is what keeps us alive and out of harms way. But when we are conscious, and our heart is present, then our intuition is strong. If we scan our surroundings and see nothing to be afraid of- we must go into that dark for the sake of our soul.
I almost avoided the greatest hike of my life to a 300 ft. waterfall because I thought I wasn’t capable or strong enough. Instead, I was reminded that I have to do it for this very reason. So, I woke up at 5:30 am on the day of my flight, ate a power breakfast, hiked through the rivers and rocks, and jumped into the waterfall. After that, I really began to reevaluate everything I thought I knew about myself.
I bring all of these stories to you because I think they translate something that we all need to hear. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but it can be when we learn to trust the ebb and flow of our experiences. Our lack of trust is often the most painful feeling in the world. Sometimes, we want muscle without sweat, connection without vulnerability, and wings without falling, but we know this isn’t possible. April's showers remind of us how beautiful the journey is towards living life in full bloom.