Winter Solstice 2019: DEPTH + Rearrangement

The words that come up right now are DEPTH + REARRANGEMENT.

With all the turning forces in your life, allow the element of surprise. Allow the unknown. Remember that our minds can only ever create or foresee so much. At certain points in our experience, a rush of spirit comes forth and does a clean sweep. It is a rearrangement of energies, and you can see it however you please. Whether perceived positive or negative, it is key to remember that balance is the ruler of all, and everything is happening in accordance with natural order to create greater harmony.

There are many dimensions that we are here to move through.
Reality continues to pull the curtain on itself, going deeper and deeper-
and among this movement and change which is the current of life,
we must stay grounded in the trust that we always come out the other side a higher, more integrated “us.”

LET’S GET REAL.

I always go into these blogs wanting to have structure, thinking about how to best outline it for impact of those who read it. I care so deeply about helping others on their journey and just want to do it “right.” But at what point does our desire to do things perfectly create a spiritual paralysis instead? When I first started writing these blogs, my inner critic was so loud that I would end up deleting my first hour of work. Then, I would tap into the “fuck it” flow state and within 15 minutes produce a much more natural and impactful piece of writing.

I am realizing more than ever how this desire to be in control and do things well once worked for me beautifully. I had a gold suit of armor that I was really proud of. Now, it feels like the armor has broken and fragmented into a million little pieces, only to leave me in a new space of strength in vulnerability.

I am more aware that I am multi-layered, emotional, ever-changing, and don’t have to do things perfectly or have it all figured out. I actually feel less in control than ever. I feel messy and it’s scary. I also feel more honest and more “myself”. The juxtaposition is funny to me.

I had a dream last night that I was in a boxing ring. We were having a presentation to show our box stepping, and our combinations in front of a panel of judges. When it was my time to go up, and the music began playing, and I started dancing instead.

And I wasn’t just dancing- I was FLOWING.

Ya girl was not doing a single box step. I swam through the air, circling and dipping and dramatically taking myself to the floor— where I rolled for a moment before rising back up to continue the dance. I weaved a few box steps into what I was doing, creating my own style entirely.. and it was f*cking badass.

This dream shows the breaking of the mold we all face in life. The defiance of expected behavior, and the journey into what feels right instead. It shows that we don’t have to follow a certain set of rules in order to do what makes our soul happy.

My perspectives have changed so much these past few months that it feels like pandora’s box has been opened within me, to enter into a new phase of “self”. The way I look at the world and its existing structures, the way I am in relationship with others, the way I treat myself.. it’s all in a state of higher understanding and complexity. And it’s because I have become more attuned to my emotions.

We are all currently experiencing a “crumbling” of sorts. It is important to remember that as we look around at all of the rubble of what “was”- it is inevitably going to transform into higher structure and higher ground.

Be patient. Trust.

Willingly dance into the unknown.